If you feel that you've rocked motherhood from the beginning, don’t bother reading this post.
Maybe you had one of those magical babies, always happy, easy to feed, falling asleep anywhere on demand, leaving you with a lot of time to spend with your partner and to take care of yourself. I'm sincerely happy for you. I’m delighted. Seriously, I mean it. In that case, this post won’t speak to you.
This post is for the other kind of motherhood, the one that is not glorified in the media but that is nonetheless real, common and normal. The unsure, the complicated, the messy, the imperfect one.
I didn’t have a magic baby and I also didn’t have the most difficult one. But it was certainly enough of a challenge for me. Enough to question my abilities, my identity, my confidence, and at times, my sanity.
I’ve been wanting to talk about this stage of life as a new parent for a while now. I listen to mothers around me, on social media platforms, and in my practice as a therapist, who feel stressed out and overwhelmed with the experience of motherhood, having a hard time adjusting to its oh-so-many demands, blaming and judging themselves harshly, and going through a roller coaster of emotions.
All of them love their children dearly. No doubt. But being pulled in a constant negative mindset is a killjoy. The worry, the fear, the doubt create a distance between our loved ones and us. Which is why I'd like to offer some support through this blog post series.
I wasn’t sure how to approach this topic until I recently came across the #SoGladTheyToldMe social media blitz: photos of women holding cards with their truths about motherhood written on them. Powerful!
On one hand, no two mothers have the same experience. That’s a given. On the other hand, there seems to be a collective set of shared experiences by a majority of them. So many personal truths that are worth sharing to help other moms feel a little less isolated, a little more normal, and a little more hopeful that this too shall pass.
So I’ve decided to work down the alphabet of the motherhood experience. This being the first post of the series.
And what better way to start this journey than with the word ACCEPTANCE.
So… here it goes.
(And remember to share this post if you know a mom who could benefit from it.)
Copyright: konradbak / 123RF Stock Photo
About the author: Valerie Abitbol, MA, LMFT, is an online psychotherapist working with individuals and couples located in Colorado and California, including Denver, Boulder, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and San Diego. Her work supports people who are navigating anxiety, relationship patterns, grief, professional stress, life transitions, trauma, relocation, and cross-cultural transitions. She integrates somatic therapy, EMDR, psychodynamic therapy, parts work, and polyvagal-informed approaches.